Twin Flame on and …..

Pfft ……. and on and ……… pfft and …… you get the picture!

That about sums up my experience of the Twin Flame journey thus far. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE IT!

I said, ‘thus far,’ for good reason. It is because this is a wholly subjective opinion on the subject because as you will discover when reading further, I am very far from achieving my desired goals.

Detour ….. (as always) !

Numbers have always played an important role in my life, especially the number 13.

My name begins with the thirteenth letter of the alphabet, I have thirteen letters in my name and surname and I’m born on the thirteenth of June 1948.

My ex-wife, Mureeda, (Nee Maureen Forbes), has thirteen letters in her name and surname and when she reverted to Islam, she became, Mureeda Gasant, which also has 13 letters (NOT PLANNED I can assure you.)

My boss at Goodyear South Africa, (PRO), was Michael Selley, and when I left the company, Michael London replaced me!

I forget the name of the first secretary but I know she was also a thirteen with the thirteenth. She was replaced by Mary-Louise Dun.

My eldest daughter is also a thirteen with the thirteenth!

No I’m not afraid of the number! Coincidence? Perhaps!

The thing is, none of these were planned or foreseen!

And now I’ve fallen for another thirteen, which wasn’t planned either!

Let’s start at the beginning.

At fifteen, I stood on the steps of the Main Entrance of Livingstone High School in Claremont, Cape Town, eyeing the new talent arriving like sheep to the slaughter. When I saw Maureen Forbes, I told whoever was standing next to me, “The short one, she’s going to be my wife!”

I snorted at the reply, “You’ve got no chance there!”

Fifty odd years, four children and five grandchildren later, we got divorced this year. AMICABLY!

So much for the “Karmic Soul Mate,” story.

Twin Flame on!?

Not quite!

All I know is that, I was on You Tube and came across the most beautiful woman I had seen in a long time.

I remember saying, “Oh Shit!” or some other four letter expletive because I had never been one for well endowed ladies (top side). She has since had the size of them augmented for health reasons. (Woe is me!)

While I fixated, (more than a mouthful is a waste and all that) she was amused and then made me an offer which any man would have been crazy to refuse.

What she did not know was that we were thousands of miles apart, on different Continents!

This all took place more than two years ago and we are still not together!

Yes I know you can add and subtract, but suffice it to say, I declared my status almost immediately because I was not prepared to mess things up by lying about being married.

The ex and I were in the doldrums as far as intimacy was concerned and we were slowly drifting further and further apart. We were not even bad friends at the time and I was in a tizzy as to how to break it to her that I wanted out.

I was in the meantime looking (online) at divorce in South Africa and how to go about it. There was the State-assisted “free divorce” which takes about a month (so they boasted) but I’d forgotten where I was and I spoke about it to my ‘new lady.’ I think this is the stage where she assumed that I had already started proceedings, which ended up in me being accused of being a liar (not true).

Anyway, my attitude (and what’s borne in the heart) …… must have had an effect because one day while the ex and I were talking, she declared (to my surprise) that she wanted her space.

I made certain that we were talking about the same thing and then we set things rolling.

I was married on th 8^th of the 8^th on my nephew’s birthday and it was on November 22 (my twin brothers’ birthday.) that the final decree of divorce went through.

Hooray! Or so you’d think, but it was more a case of Booray!

My new love interest and I were going through some things of our own at this time.

When I looked up the cheapie divorce, it was because I was stony broke. I had spoken to two people about the situation and told them everything including the fact that the lady had of her own accord offered to pay for everything including relocation.

Everyone said ‘jump at it,’ but there was no way that I was going to compromise myself in that way.

The new modern way of relationships was okay but it all had to be learnt and established as a norm as far as I was concerned.

Of course I had my pride as well. (Not good?). Don’t worry, I’ll tell if I land on my face because of it. Full disclosure!

It turns out I might have been right, since in most ‘converations’ about us, money has been mentioned in some way or another, even obliquely.

We do not enter into relationships as new born babes, never mind how advanced we are or pretend, or hope to be, especially if we had similar types of relationships before.

I have in fact been the most forthcoming in the ‘talks’ we’ve had. Those have been about most things including the subject of religion which is a sticky point in the States, where the lady is from.

With a name like MARUWAN GASANT, you’ll understsnd better corollating it with the States, but we’re talking about money and not even religion yet!

She has hinted at the fact that she had, had a previous relationship in which it appears the guy took her for a ride and it cost her a lot!

Nothing to do with me but you can see how it has bearing on the fact that I am skittish about accepting such a generous offer!

Can you imagine the first big argument after “the bubble love stage” is over?

And don’t even think of telling me TF relationships do not have that kind of arguments.

I think she paid heavily in that divorce.

Am I getting through to you yet? TF relationships are as difficult, if not more, than the ones we are all used to having.

I’m a Gemini! I can see through people in the first few seconds of meeting them. Sometimes I enter into them just for the hell of it, even if I know better.

A man has to live and love and experience before he can talk about life!

I’m seventy one, I think I have some credibility even if they are street creds!

I’m also regarded as being flighty, as a Gemini, but I think it’s a cop out for most people. I always say, “Imagine a postman that never moved is my answer.”

I was married for fifty years. I do not take all the credit for it lasting that long but throw me a bone won’t you?

I once asked my new love if she was hesitant about us because she could not tell me she was Catholic and even if she got divorced in court, the church would not recognise it. I’m still waitng for the answer to that.

She often uses terms like, “verkakte and tochas,” and other terms which are decidedly Jewish, which does not affect me in the least because it would in fact suit me even better than if she were Catholic. Jewish people are even allowed to pray in mosques because Muslims believe in one God and not in a father, son and holy spirit.

I believe in gender equality, so I have no qualms about having a well-off wife while I raise the kids at home but she is beyond having children so what would I do?

If I had the money she had, then I would not bat and eye if she had nothing because I would consider it natural that the one with the money would see to everything.

Agreed?

Now turn it around!

See what I mean?

The only arguments that I had with my ex about money was if I felt she was wasting, but it has never been an issue with us. In fact when she inherited money from her parents, she blew it in the same way that we jointly blew any money we had to spare. She even bought me my second Jaguar motorcar.

The money is still not the point!

The point is that I do not like being compared to some other jerk that scored off her and I’m afraid of being accused of something by someone I love and forcing myself to leave on principle.

As tragic as it seems, I know I would do it.

I know people, I know myself even better.

The Twin Flame concept does sound fantastic doesn’t it?

I certainly hope it lasts long enough to become the norm. In that case I would say to fathers and mothers to raise their children accordingly, as if you are raising them to enter into a relationship like you would want it to be, near PERFECT.

We at the beginning of it are not so fortunate. We are the ones who have to try and change ourselves to be the best we can and closest to the ideal because we come with all the baggage of previous lives.

AND it is all just a part of what we are going through to reach the final goal.

The Twin Flame experience is based on an energy and not a person. You might have different people vibrating at the same frequency, people who do not mirror each other in any way and you could fall for either of them.

It is as Aluna Ash says, the 144,000 are not a number of people. They are people reaching a certain vibrational frequency, in tune with other frequencies in the universe and beyond. We learn more as we are fed the information.

There is no space ship waiting to take the lucky few away (Ha, ha).

I think it also ties in with religion.

I think religion is merely a set of rules we were taught to live by in preparation for what’s coming. I think there is a time factor involved which is probably why so many people are steering away from the accepted norms of what a religion is about and following (hopefully) a set of rules that is not yet abused and manipulated by men for their own purposes.

Who is to say that, that is also not part of the plan, All these religious wars and bias flaring up does make one think. BUT IT IS NO EXCUSE! Do not for one moment think that it is okay to go around killing people thinking that you have a get out of jail free card to blame it on.

We are definitely changing and to those who still have to catch up, it must look ridiculous, hence the ridicule.

Most norms are being broken down it seems, with many Twin Flames being of vastly different ages and varying religions etc. It is not as if they haven’t occurred before but the rate at which they are occuring makes me question.

So the Twin Flame situation is but a part of it all.

It bothers me though that many people are treating it as if it is some sort of race or situation of one-up-man-ship.

What is worse is discussing their reationships for no other reason than to ‘diss’ either the man or woman in their life. Let me say this once, “YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT READY!” and that goes for everybody, including yours truly.

Runner, chaser, dark night of the soul (which I feel I’m constantly undergoing), karmics and all the other terms are being bandied about for the mere purpose of wanting to seem “in the know.”

You are in fact showing how much of a lack of enlightenment you are experiencing by displaying these tendencies.

Ascension is nothing to be sniffed at.

Have you ever seen a bird on a perch, spreading its wings, shaking them out as if to dust them off, then folding them and putting them back in place?

Now imagine you are a Muslim, standing on your prayer mat and getting ready to pray. Now imagine spreading your wings, shaking them off as if to dust them off, folding them and returning them back to their original place! When you are on your knees with your forehead touching the floor, imagine covering yourself with your wings like some birds do when they court their mates, then withdrawing them and standing up.

You think that is strange? Imagine how I felt when it happened to me, while I was praying!

For some time afterwards I would walk in the street and do the wings thing or sit at a casting and somebody would ask whether I was cold when they saw me do the ‘shiver thing.’ Of course there were no wings but I could for a long time feel them as if they were real.

Before you send people to come and take me away (ha, ha) let me set your unbelieving heart at rest, It (sadly) hasn’t happened for quite a while.

I will definitely be following up on this as soon as I have enough to write about, but for now ……….. it’s off to bed with me.

So its 12.05 the day after starting this piece. Let me say this straight off, “Some things are private and I will not be sharing them with you.”

In fact if you knew what some of them were, then you’d probably agree.

I’m still on the TF situation and I think we’re in agreement that it is not a bed of roses.

Talking about beds, there is this guy, much more in the know than I am, being that he has been with his divine female for some time. As the sacred male, in this case, he is much older than her. The age difference struck me immediately and true to form, wandered to the bedroom situation.

It was as if he could read my mind because without me asking, he volunteered the following information.

Age did not factor into the equation. They matched each other perfectly. Here’s the kicker, he said that it did not matter how ‘big’ the divine female was, the sacred male grew to fit her or she shrunk to fit him. For those who are lost as to the relevance of size, in short, size did not matter because they accommodated each other.

Okay! Okay! Richard, (Dick), did not have a problem!

Which brings me to the real reason for this part of this piece. The roles of each in the relationship. In the past we had the much maligned male dominating the scene in a patriarchy. It would seem that we are moving into a situation where there is a much more even spread of authority and control (bad word, but you get where I’m going).

My DF constantly raises the question of who is going to be the leader/ in charge/control/running things, in the relationship?

My question is, if we are going to be making love, screwing, jumping each others bones so deliciously accommodatingly, why can it not work that way out of bed? Are you prepared to take over and run things completely, in every way, all of the time, like I did in my fifty year marriage?

Is it going to be a compromise or a competition? If it’s competing then let’s get ready to rumble!

If it’s the money you’re worried about, then it’s understandable and I would not be comfortable spending anybody else’s money in any case.

Besides it would not be long before I would be in the pound seats in any case. Leaving us with no problem on that score.

Ante Nuptial must still be mentioned????

If it isn’t that then what?

The way we handle our “MISSION/ SPIRITUAL BUSINESS?”

This is mainly for those who are going to be in that kind of situation, but it does not mean that others cannot learn from it as well.

I would say that if if you are running a business already, then you should continue with it as I would, after starting mine.

We could collaborate on issues of mutual interest from time to time as the situation warrants it and split the money accordingly or put it into a general kitty.

There are certain things which we WILL work on together like REMC4O2S which will be my copyrighted idea but which will be shared with the World. As it is the Reciprocal, Egalitarian, Manifested, Conscious, Co Operative, Co Created, Concept, Organic, Organisation System, it will be open to suggestions from ALL including my DF.

BUT IT WILL BE MY BABY!

I will of course share monies with ANYBODY who merits it and is prepared to share it with everybody, besides donating most of it.

At this stage, my advice would be that we should get as much of the gunk and crap out of the way before jumping into relationship and into bed because that can screw things up in more ways than I would care to entertain.

In that way we can be certain that we are with (firstly) the right TF energetically speaking and (secondly) that we give the relationship a better chance of survival by having a stronger footing to work from.

There is no doubt in my mind that I have come a long way since spreading my wings for the first time. I’ve learnt a lot from people like Mary Jo Cranmore, Dane Hart, Tania Gabrielle, Aluna Ash, and more recently Ablas Le Grand and some others in The Esoteric Arts and I thank them all for that.

I still receive ‘downloads’ I doubt if it will ever stop, but one thing is certain, I do not want to go back to being the kind of person that I used to be. In fact I refuse to do it.

So if being polite is going to be considered a fault, then so be it.

My badass day’s are behind me!

Of course that does not mean I’ll be a litle ball of fur stuck down the well when you hear, “ding dong bell!”

This is your Raconteur in Retrospect signing off.

Just a quick PS. A day later!

About a week ago I dreamt I was standing in front of a stable. It wss about twice as big as other normal stables so I assumed it housed a big horse. It was I think one called a Pershing, red in colour and twice the size of normal horses. Now that is big people! I was so amazed at its size that I forgot to listen to what it was saying because it was talking to me. Nothing bad though because it often smiled as it spoke. I guess if I were to equate it to a man, then I’d say he’d be about 40 years old.

Any takers on an interpretation?

What brought this on though has to do with what I wrote previously about religion because last night or this morning, I dreamt I was in a Cathedral. I’ve been to St George’s in Cape Town and several in Germany, so I recognised it.

The thing that struck me was the number of Muslim men and women who were also there.

It seemed that the service or whatever it was, was over because people started gettimg up to leave. Muslims were all recitng a few lines, (in Arabic), commonly recited when marching in a procession, as they started leaving and soon the place droned with the sound.

Sudden;y some White Christian women, who had eyes that looked almost like they were Eskimos, got up and started to sing hymns at the top of ther voices , definitely in competition because they were encouraging each other to sing louder and others tried to get other Christians to join in.

Their voices soon petered out because the Christians all started to sing and hum the verse that the Muslims were reciting.

People filed out in very orderly fashion and I left as well.

Any interpretations?

This is the Raconteur in Retrospect signing off once again.

Another PS a few days later but on the same subject.

Mary Jo Cranmore raised an intersting issue in her reading about, ‘Twin Flames coming into union,’ today. She asked whether the viewers have made a point of declaring what their language of love is. By that she meant, “What is the action that displays your love for the next person and what does the next peson have to do for you to feel loved by them. This is of course apart from saying “I Love You!”

Some of you might know that I have four children, The last one, to be born, after nineteen years, was my younget daughter who completel;y changed me and is responsible for me being able to answer this question today.

When I grew up, it was in the very late forties and the fifties and sixties and it was not a time of parents telling each other (in front of their children) or telling their children that they loved them (well not in our home in anycase.)

It was also a ime of giving and getting hidings, at home and at school. Boy did I get them?

I think I said that in my marriage to my ex wife, she told me twice that she loved me after I made her do it. She could write it in her letters to me when we were apart when I worked away from home or travelled for some reason but she never actually voluntarily said it aloud.

I was a romantic person, I think it came through my reading, so I had no probem telling her that I loved her. I brought flowers home for her and arranged them almost every week and I wrote long letters.

I think she was as much a product of her home life as I was and my parents were too because they had different ways of showing love bcause of their upbringing. So I don’t blame them, I was just too emotionally immature to recognise that there were different ways of showing instead of saying it.

It took me until today to realise this, so, “Thank you Mary Jo, for raising the question!”

I never told my father that I loved him but I am sure he knew that. My mother? It took cancer and her death bed befoe I could muster the emotion to tell her and that was only once!

The thing about her reply, that she loved me too, was that (thinking back on it today,) it had a quality of almost “I didn’t think it was necessary between us but I’ll say it anyway, if you need me to do so.”

I was her favourite (my father said so in front of everyone on the night of her janaaza/funeral,nobody argued about it ).

The difference between my three older children and my late arrival (after nineteen years) was I think in the way that she was raised. She was born in Free South Africa in 1990, when Nelson Mandela had already been freed and we were preparing for our first true democratic election.

I would probably answer my three bigger children in the same way that my mother answered me when I said that I loved her.

The youngest however, I think, told me from the time she could speak so it semed quite natural.

BUT! I spoilt it!

I think I was busy and in a bad mood once when she told me she loved me. I don’t know whether I returned the sentiment but I do know what I said afterwards which has stuck in my mind since then. I said, “You don’t have to tell me everytime, you know!”

If there is one thing that I have regretted saying in my life, it is that sentence, because she has never said it to me again unless I said it first and it hurts terribly! I even said to her that I noticed that she does not say it anymore and it hasn’t helped!

So there you have it people!

Oh and in case anybody out there wants to know what my language of love is, I have to have physical contact and I have to be told and reciprocate! (Hint, hint, Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more?!)

End of sermon, end of blog.

This is your Raconteur in Retrospect, finally, signing off and saying I LOVE YOU ALL!